7 templates for self-promotional tweets

In the year-long period I have been using Twitter I feel that there a few trends to how to not-too-subtley promote oneself as a person whose opinion on life, the universe and everything the world ought to follow.  The seven sentences listed below are a sort of deconstructed set of templates that illustrate how to employ this form of self promotion. Simply fill in the [square bracketed] sections with an example of what is described between the brackets. Enjoy! –

  1. The thing that bugs me about [contemporary cultural phenomenon] is [vacuous self-interested navel gazing]
  2. Why hasn’t anyone created [app on one platform] for [other platform preferred by opinionated twatterer]?
  3. Looking for [anally specific thing]. Wasn’t there [something similar] done by [vague allusion to something else]?
  4. You know that thing where [I demonstrate I want to be pithy but just show I’m a bore]
  5. When I was [somewhere I think demonstrates that I’m cultured and/or wealthy] I met [first name of a person I don’t really know but I think this shows I’m connected] who [does this thing that everyone must believe is terrribly worthy in my post-colonial Western view] – please support them! [link]
  6. [Random inane quote] – [person you’ve never heard of] #[hashtag of conference that shows quite how important and well travelled I think I am]
  7. [Random phenomenon in the world] in [place that shows I travel] is [annoying or delightful]

NB: This is a bit of fun… please don’t take it seriously!!

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